she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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