Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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