im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
