I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
