I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
