two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
