After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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