she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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