My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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