ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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