please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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