I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
