I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
