After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
