Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
