Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
