I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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