I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
