I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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