great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
