If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
