My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
