I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
