Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm both gender and math confused
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm really busy with my period
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