Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
