he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
