If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize