Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
