One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
