I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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