I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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