tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
