listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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