So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
