Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Quick, to the slutcave!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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