I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
