K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
