I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
