i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
