we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i dont even know how to be here
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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