we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
