Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
