for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
