We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
