I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Sober January is a disaster.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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