so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
