I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize