And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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