i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
