Well apparently he's into motor boating.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
