Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
