you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
