If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
