The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
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Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
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By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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