I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
