She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
