Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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