So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
