we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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