how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
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How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
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Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.