So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
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According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
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Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"