Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!