Plan B is the new Plan A
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet