we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going