Capitaan dildo arrescate!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee