the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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