If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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