jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.