Texts From Last Night

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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen

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  (309): I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen http://tfl.nu/zk0c
  Replies (55) Good night (1157) Bad night (4313)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar

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  (740): They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar http://tfl.nu/y62m
  Replies (10) Good night (4859) Bad night (714)
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  (925): View more from California

  I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker

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  (925): I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker http://tfl.nu/8x3j
  Replies (24) Good night (6236) Bad night (970)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.

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  (440): mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again. http://tfl.nu/qawl
  Replies (31) Good night (13856) Bad night (1237)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.

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  (413): He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing. http://tfl.nu/up8v
  Replies (8) Good night (1351) Bad night (4354)
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  (518): View more from New York

  You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."

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  (518): You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break." http://tfl.nu/3ss4
  Replies (11) Good night (4602) Bad night (929)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...

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  (919): Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible... http://tfl.nu/6e9j
  Replies (6) Good night (1722) Bad night (1057)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.

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  (727): remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes. http://tfl.nu/1odp
  Replies (0) Good night (1487) Bad night (932)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.

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  (201): My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now. http://tfl.nu/1l2n
  Replies (8) Good night (1968) Bad night (1375)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."

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  (815): Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys." http://tfl.nu/ykbn
  Replies (18) Good night (620) Bad night (3081)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.

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  (832): He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass. http://tfl.nu/my94
  Replies (14) Good night (634) Bad night (1115)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.

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  (404): Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician. http://tfl.nu/u2ls
  Replies (4) Good night (917) Bad night (409)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question

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  (336): Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question http://tfl.nu/9vj8
  Replies (12) Good night (1531) Bad night (415)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on

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  (905): So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on http://tfl.nu/azx1
  Replies (2) Good night (351) Bad night (1011)
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  (771): View more from

  Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.

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  (771): Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch. http://tfl.nu/xmqw
  Replies (2) Good night (487) Bad night (216)

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