Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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