this beer tastes like vomit already
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
