When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
