Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
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My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
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In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.