That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain