Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED