Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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