That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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