one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize