you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
