This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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