you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You ate ashes out of my bong
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
