So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
