you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
